“The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.” – Robert Frost

9 Apr

My current tunnel vision is preventing me from imagining a situation scarier than the one that I am currently in. With one week until I turn 22, fewer than 50 days until graduation, and no career path in sight, my stomach is turning and my head is spinning. In fact, just this second I had to take a lap around the library, and swallow a double dose of Advil to alleviate the stress-induced throbbing in my head.

I spent the duration of my class time today tuned out, my eyes scanning LinkedIn…Jobs, suggested jobs, jobs similar to this job, just looking. Looking for possibilities, for companies, job descriptions, anything that would peak my interest. Then, in that rare moment in which I get excited, feel my eyes lighting up, I scroll down to the list of requirements, finding that, of course, I meet few or none at all.

At a time when other students have jobs and others are well on their way, it’s hard to sit stagnant. Applying and networking, networking and applying. I want to be them. I want to know what I’m doing, know where I’m going to end up, know what path I’m on. I want to be completely dedicated to enjoying the remainder of my time in college, with not a worry on my mind. But instead I get these sinking feelings, as I’m sure others do, and feel the pressure that, for the most part, is completely self-inflicted.

My parents have told me not to worry about it, that it will come. Even after paying a pretty penny for my education they’re less stressed about it than I am and encourage me to calm down, God bless ‘em. My sister has told me to stop caring and just have fun.  Any maybe they’re all right. Maybe I should stop searching and searching and sit stagnant for a day or a week. Maybe I need to calm down and accept the position that I am in. Instead of rushing and applying to every single job that I come across out of sheer desperation, I should spend some time getting to know myself (as lame as that sounds) and focusing on what it is I like to do, and simply enjoying the time I have left at college.

In reality, I will get a job. Ideally, it would be something I’m crazy passionate about, which means I must spend some time discovering these passions. Perhaps that will come in a week, or maybe in a month, or maybe I’ll ship off to volunteer for a year. No one can know, even I (as much as I try to). But for now, I think it’s time for a break. It’s time to enjoy my last week as a 21-year-old and to sit back and appreciate where I am now rather than fear the future that I cannot predict. 

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